Sometimes, when people compliment me, I feel like a fraud. I feel as though somehow I must have misled them, and that if they knew more about me, they would not only retract their compliments but feel a certain amount of pity/disgust. My husband claims that I have an inferiority complex... and I'm beginning to see his point.
Working at a "real" job has taught me a lot about myself--a lot more than I expected, to be honest. When I started here, I hated work because I felt useless and looked down upon, even though I had a Master's degree (which I thought meant more then than I think it does now). It really bothered me to be seen as incompetent, so I actively worked to BE competent. A few months ago, people started coming to me with questions, and giving me praise. Finally, I seemed to have the respect that I wanted when I first started the job. However, having actually achieved that respect made me doubt that it was deserved.
What nutty creatures humans are. When I didn't get respect, I believed I deserved respect. When I do get respect, I believe I don't deserve it. I am determined to be dissatisfied, it seems.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment